speaking of bk au: i originally had hannah in gibari’s place bc then she’d join the team fairly early on and i had just decided on jody for savyna
but honestly it works better the other way around. gibari was the dad friend anyways and while hannah isn’t as surly as savyna (i assume anyway), neither is jody, and that’s a characterization issue not a plot issue
okay listen i gotta go to bed but i just bought grimes’ “art angels” album and so far? this is literally the soundtrack to cass saying goodbye to dean and hitting the open sky with balthazar and hannah 4ever after
like actually a xenoblade au would start with balthazar, hannah, and uriel of the colony 9 defence force being sent to the head of bionis to find the high entia, because mechonis has awoken and seems poised to strike bionis at any time, and if bionis even partially collapses it’ll be the people below the knees (ie the colonies) who are suddenly, uh, drowned
and the high entia are the ones rumoured to be able to awaken bionis in order to fight back so
but balthazar storms off in a huff at suddenly being ordered to climb to the top of the known fucking universe
so commander vandham or whoever is like, “guess he’s not going” and hannah’s like, “no he’s going, just watch”
she and uriel pop in on him later that night and balthazar’s on the floor furiously cramming his secret life’s worth of research on the high entia into his bags. like he’s been on the defence force instead of in research because it lets him travel further to find more artifacts and also is less conspicuous when he nicks them from the research division
and hannah’s like, “you can’t take everything”
and balthazar’s like, “I HAVE TO TAKE THE IMPORTANT STUFF AND THE STUFF I STOLE SO THEY NEVER KNOW IT WAS ME”
so they spend the night divvying up all his shit to carry with balthazar snapping “no DON’T touch that!” at them every other minute
The monitor had powered up, the screen glowing white for several seconds before fading into…
“…I’m not sure what this is,” muttered Balthazar, with Ace looking over his shoulder.
The screen showed a grid, with a number of brown and grey tiles standing out. To the middle left was a single, yellow tile with a red dot at its center, and the entire right column was made up of similar, paler yellow tiles. In the top right corner was an icon shaped like a coffin, and in the top left sat the words “Moves 50/50”.
“It’s the control panel for…that,” Santa, with an odd smile on her face, pointed to the ground floor past the fence.
Suddenly, the grid on the monitor made perfect sense. He hadn’t been able to tell from eye level, but the wooden crates and metal boxes behind the fence were arranged exactly as the tiles on the screen. Only an odd, yellow device with a red bulb on its head stood out.
“And what is…that?”
Santa and Castiel began to laugh, looking down at a stiff piece of paper Santa held in her hands. She cleared her throat authoritatively, laughed again, and straightened up to speak.
“It’s the Pushmaster 5000.”
Santa broke down, weakly pushing the card into Balthazar’s hands as Cass clutched her arm, trying to stifle his laughter with his sleeve.
the pushmaster 5000, available NOW for the low, low price of
one day, after balthazar has been making dinner for cass & hannah for a while, they start joking about having a pizza party and balthazar’s like, “sounds like fun! i’ll get started~”
and they’re like “no, no, a pizza party is a time for greasy takeout, your food is just too good”
so balthazar humphs and pouts a little but then he’s like, “no wait, life is all about trying new things. i’m going to do this, i’m going to make you the BEST terrible, greasy pizza you’ve ever had!”
first, he interviews them both about what exactly makes the best terrible, greasy pizza
hannah’s like, “when it all runs down your chin with every bite, and also stuffed crusts”
cass’ like, “i remember this pizza place when i was little where the sauce was always gray instead of red, and i never figured it out but it was delicious”
balthazar just nods and takes it all down carefully in his fancy notebook
then they’re off to the supermarket to buy ingredients, touring the freezer section so balthazar can make a “character study” of the frozen pizzas and ask deep, searching questions like, “what would you say is the essence of delissio?”
back home in the kitchen, cass & hannah cheer him on as balthazar tries desperately to subdue his instincts. “MORE PLEBEIAN”, they yell every time he reaches for too-fancy cheese
(they’re filming all of this btw)
finally, when it’s in the oven, balthazar looks so pleased like, “this is going to be excellent. here, go set the table,” and cass & hannah are like, “what table?”
cause it’s not a pizza party unless you’re sprawled out in the living room with a cheesy movie for entertainment
hi hello please imagine cass & balthazar & hannah all together on the couch, doing their own things, except their legs are all folded over each other in an outstretched heap propped up on the coffee table
and hannah’s gaming and eventually cass puts down his book so they can pokémon battle, and they’re laughing and booping each other with their toes
and balthazar’s on his phone running 7 apps at once and taking pics of them until the whole thing crashes, and everyone gets jostled and knee-punched when he shakes & swears at it
& it’s the 4th time it’s happened in an hour, so cass & hannah just lose it, take his phone, and sit on him instead