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i don’t even follow anyone watching spn anymore and it’s not on my dash so i WISH i could say i’m not affected but like

i was already having the worst fucking couple of weeks and now i feel awful all over again

i’d love to post something positive but i’m having trouble focusing. any requests?

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chasingparallax asked:

((FINALE SPOILERS)): I like to imagine Cas and Balthazar meeting up in the place wherever meetings of the Dead Angels' Society are held, spotting each other from across the room, and first sharing a long and knowing look that is equal parts remorse and gratitude...
 

oh my god cass is dead again. i mean it was only a matter of time, but. jesus.

i’m sorry, i used to think a lot about cass & balthazar meeting post s6. in fact, it’s one of the first ever calthazar posts on my main (and you already found ensardens’ beautiful post). i wish i could appreciate this image more right now but now i’m just scared they’ll actually bring balthazar back

thanks so much for the message tho, really ♥

[EDIT] as an aside, i had to look up s12 info to answer this ofc, and i had the immense pleasure of reading the phrase “castiel knocks sam and dean out” in reference to the previous episode
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i just found out 6x03 aired on my birthday
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this is the soundtrack to an epic battle at the height of cass & balthazar’s partnership

[identity profile] theamazingdalet.livejournal.com

now i’m off on a mental tangent and wondering how cass explained balthazar & rachel’s deaths to the rest of the army back in s6

rachel’s is a little easier cause cass came back genuinely wounded but balthazar? there was no one else in the room but there were angels everywhere around who felt the blast like

like i doubt they’d either believe or cass would try to tell them that balthazar tried to kill him

did he tell them balthazar was a traitor? did they accept that or could they maybe make some guesses as to why?

or did he say nothing because they asked no questions, which would be sketchy as hell. i mean i know it’s what angels are trained to do but like. unquestioningly following orders being Bad was kind of a major thing the rebels were about
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posting this separately cause i don’t wanna derail happy posts about balthazar being mentioned but

that quote from the ep a while ago, “balthazar. uriel. […] both dead now. you had a hand in that too”

is just such a perfect example of how the writers think of cass. he deliberately kills someone (all plotholes aside)? his fault. someone saves his life when he’s about to be killed by someone who had already murdered seven of their siblings?

also his fault. “you had a hand in that too” two completely different things conflated as though they are exactly the same

cass is written as though absolutely everything bad that happens in his vicinity is something he needs to feel guilty about. if anyone dies near him he “had a hand in that” and he should’ve done better

but he’s never gonna be allowed to bc the sense i get from the spn writers these days is that cass IS guilt. he exists to be crushed under the weight of his guilt and as long as he keeps standing they have to keep piling it on, even if it makes no sense at all
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i mean i know raphael’s never coming back bc the showrunners are just as racist & sexist as the fans but

i like to think that if he DID he might actually approach cass with some understanding?

imagine raphael laying low for a bit instead of making an automatic power move, esp when he realizes cass is still alive

but then actually catching up on what cass has been doing, and trying to do, and what he’s been through and WHY

like i’m sure raphael could appreciate why cass opposed him after s5, even if he would not tolerate it, but even if he didn’t then i’m sure he could and if for once an archangel might be willing to shut up and listen for a bit they could do so much together, raphael has the experience that cass doesn’t, he’s the rock

just imagine the old power and the new will, and what they could do for each other and their family

at the very least, just imagine raphael being the one to finally offer cass sanctuary
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you gotta hate how s/pn fandom’s “proof” that raphael & hannah or even all the angels are nonbinary

is literally nothing but their own ignorance of trans/nb-ness. their diehard cissexism IS their proof

but hey, they will scrape the bottom of any possible barrel to claim their show is progressive

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this is the tl;dr version bc i can’t be bothered to get in depth and i don’t think it’s necessary but

pure, stubborn, immovable selfishness, i realize, is the archangels’ defining trait honestly

“no one makes us do anything” is not a free will line, it’s a “we never listen” line

it’s a goddamn tragedy what happened to heaven and earth bc god left the universe in control of beings whose motto is “i’m going to what i’m going to do, and i dare you to stop me” (although as far as i can tell, god himself isn’t much different)

“why won’t any of you listen?”

“they don’t listen, castiel, because their hearts are mine, and i’m too far up my own ass to listen to anyone else”

like goddamn no wonder sam n dean were the vessels

()
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have spn staff ever explained why cass was part of a “garrison”?

bc a garrison is a stationary group of soldiers, assigned to one place, traditionally as guards

yeah i know cass says they watched humanity but the show and even he himself have always stressed the warrior aspect more and a soldier going on missions and actively fighting would not be part of a garrison

like. i’ve always thought they just liked the sound of it to be honest

[identity profile] theamazingdalet.livejournal.com

so apparently there’s gonna be a cass-centric s12 ep? like about his “backstory”?

just letting y’all know in advance, i don’t want to hear a thing about it. i’m serious. i want to forget i ever heard about such a thing, just keep it 100% away from me please
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a post in the balthazar tag calling him and cass “as close to friends as angels could supposedly get“

exhibit a: “a good friend”

exhibit b: “i’m betraying a friend here”

they literally?? used that exact word?? to describe their relationship???

and cass has called other angels friends?? like uriel, the very first angel we saw him with???

but no, angels aren’t friends, ever

i don’t understand that fandom, i just don’t
[identity profile] theamazingdalet.livejournal.com

Of course I forgot to put this in the actual post, but you know what’s most amazing here?

As I’ve theorized before (ex here), s6 was probably a low point for Cass & Balthazar’s relationship. There was lying, and resentment, and real trouble with communicating and understanding each other

and yet, because of the rock solid foundation under them, they STILL came out, in 5 episodes, as having one of the healthiest relationships on the show.

I mean, think about the end of their first scene: “You’ve gone insane,” says Cass derisively. A few lines later, Balthazar says, “All else aside, I’m really, really happy to see you. …Even though you still have that stick up your ass.”

They just traded barbs! But was either of them stung? I honestly can’t tell. If they were, then Balthazar’s reference to Cass’ line in his amused, “You may be certifiable, but,” seems to me to indicate forgiveness.

Cass and Balthazar can disagree, and argue, and still pull through in a genuine way because of the deep well of love that they’re ultimately standing on.


Again, by contrast, when Cass and Dean confront each other, it’s bitter and ugly, every time. Cass gives his side, even pleads for understanding and support, and Dean just attacks, refusing to understand.

It’s not even restricted to arguments; Dean throws barbs like the “baby in a trenchcoat” line all the damn time, and Cass is visibly hurt every time. He would never adopt those insults as in-jokes or, God forbid, loving gestures the way the fandom has.

I’m not a fan of it, but lots of real friends “insult” each other, and it’s taken in stride, with laughter, because they know how it was meant. They trust each other. Without that foundation, though, they’re just insults, plain and simple.

And Cass’ face every single time says that foundation, with Dean, is wholly absent.
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All right, this is gonna be self-evident for many of us, but I keep seeing people positively comparing Calthazar and Destiel in the vein of “Balthazar would do anything for Cass, just like Cass would do anything for Dean”

and, among other obvious reasons, it was bothering me, because yes, as a character Balthazar basically exists for Cass’ sake. Yes, on the surface, that seems quite unhealthy, but I can finally articulate why they are not remotely the same dynamic.

Read more... )
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endiness replied to your post “ACTUALLY HANG ON A MINUTE why is cass balthazar’s brother, but…”
idk if it’s a reference to anything, but i always thought it was balthazar’s way of like denoting that raphael is older than him. or like higher up in the celestial chain of command than he is.

if it’s not a godfather ref then i’m sure you’re exactly right.

i just hadn’t actually stopped. and thought about it until now, and it’s making me laugh in light of s11/amara.

well actually, now that i think about it, my guess would be it’s also a ref to michael stepping in as father and raphael’s relation to him.
[identity profile] theamazingdalet.livejournal.com

ACTUALLY HANG ON A MINUTE

why is cass balthazar’s brother, but “raffie” is his uncle? why would raphael be his uncle?

i just thought of this and it’s really bugging me for some reason. was it a godfather reference or?
[identity profile] theamazingdalet.livejournal.com

“Ah, but you left early…” Castiel mused as he began his story, absentmindedly petting his own hands. “You missed it.”

“‘Left early’?” Balthazar huffed, mock indignant. “We completed the mission. I went home.”

“Mmm,” Castiel looked up and ahead, into the distance, smiling softly. Something had happened, clearly, after Balthazar had retreated, something Castiel remembered very fondly.

“They, the couple, just before I left-” Balthazar thought Castiel looked flushed as he stammered, still smiling. “They were so happy to be reunited, and– …Hm, well, it’s difficult to explain.”

Castiel frowned, just for a moment, before turning to Balthazar and lifting his hands. “I’ll show you.”

“Mm?” Balthazar edged slightly forward, curious.

“Closer,” said Castiel, motioning as he shifted towards Balthazar. “Here…”

Very gently, he cupped Balthazar’s cheeks, still leaning in.

Balthazar felt very warm, suddenly, when Castiel’s lips pressed against his own. Somehow, they just…fit.

It was perfect.



“‘Kissing’…that’s what it was called.” Castiel explained afterwards. He drew himself up straight where they sat, looking rather proud. “I knew it would work.”

“’Work’, indeed,” Balthazar chuckled, still red, still strangely overheated, still staring at their hands, together in his lap. After a moment’s thought, he lifted one of Castiel’s and gingerly “kissed” it.

“There,” he murmured, embarrassed but satisfied. “That works, too.”

“Y-yes,” Castiel answered, his voice slightly hoarse. “It would probably work anywhere.”

“Anywhere…like your cheek?” Balthazar smiled when Castiel said nothing, only blushed harder. Balthazar motioned him closer.

“Here…”      
        



A/N: A sort of companion ficlet to THIS.

Please excuse my boundless love for angels, told they are empty vessels for God’s will, finding reflections of their true selves across the universe, a little bit at a time.

And also sometimes being big blushing teenagers about it.
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“What I think?” Balthazar sat down again and hesitated before answering.

“You’re not as relentlessly optimistic as you think you are.” He sighed, looking up at Castiel. “You want me on the battlefield, but, really, you need me here.”

Castiel’s face fell, and he looked away. It was the wrong answer in an endless conversation neither of them liked.

“Please, Cass…” Balthazar pleaded softly. “Just admit it. I can’t stand to fight with you anymore.”

“I’m sorry–” Castiel insisted quietly. “I really do have to go.”

“Of course.”

“…I’ll be back.” For just a moment, he looked at Balthazar tenderly.



“Of course,” Balthazar murmured to the empty room.


I’ve long wanted to start writing oneshots from the civil war, because I have a headcanon that Balthazar’s hideouts were also safe retreats for Cass.

Just showing up bloodied and exhausted and swearing he couldn’t stay, passing out despite himself when Balthazar pulls him into his lap and gently cleans him up.

He tries desperately to convince Cass to stay even one more hour once he’s woken up, for a bath, or healing, or sex, or more sleep, or even just to be touched; anything to keep him from feeling like he’s being slowly squeezed dry.

But I think they argued, too, in between it all.

It’s obvious Cass and Balthazar were trying to reconnect throughout season 6, and not just out of necessity, but I think they had a lot of trouble understanding each other under the awful circumstances.

Cass couldn’t understand why the person he’d fought with “too many times to count” wouldn’t do it again, especially since he couldn’t explain it via frivolity or cowardice or anything so neat and simple. He resented Balthazar for not standing with him this one time, when it was most important.

And Balthazar couldn’t convince Cass that his well being was Balthazar’s contribution to the war effort, because “Cass’ well being” just isn’t something that occurs to Cass, especially from season 6 onwards.

Anyways, I’m actually shocked I hadn’t shared this song before; I always thought it was very…what I just described.

Lyrics:




Knock, knock…are you alone?
No one’s out here and I was not followed.
Love, love…you’re already home.
Party’s over and you don’t look so good.

You find your way back down.
And I’ll keep the area clear…please clear the area.
When you find your way back down…in one piece.
Then I’ll just be waiting here…right here.

Low light…mercury morning…
No need to stay as it’s always nothing.
But your eyes tell a whole other story…and I feel the weight of the world.
Won’t talk…Won’t try…just move…
It’s too still in your sadness.
Cry…give up…it’s okay…
You’ve just got to trust me.

You find your way back down.
And I’ll keep the area clear…please clear the area.
When you find your way back down…in one piece.
Then I’ll just be waiting here…right here.

Slowly…darling…nobody means anymore to me than you
If you’re in…baby then I’m in (into this)…with you, always.
Careful…close to the edge…(You’re scaring me)
Fall in to my arms….(where did it all fall?)
Fall…into love…love…

You find your way back down.
And I’ll keep the area clear…please clear the area.
When you find your way back down…in one piece.
Then I’ll just be waiting here…right here.

You find your way back down.
Way back down,
And I’ll keep the area clear…please clear the area.
When you find your way back down…in one piece.
Then I’ll just be waiting here…right here.”
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He says that like it isn’t every day. When “time is fluid,” there are infinite hours for cats!

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