(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

cass had never been to school by the time he met balthazar bc of his illness. if the body swap and physiotherapy and all went well his parents were hoping he’d start 3rd grade with the other kids his age

at any rate, they got pretty attached to balthazar in the hospital as cass’ first best friend, and he got to see cass’ cyberbrain before it was installed in his new body

afterwards, back in his room with mom&mum, balthazar gets distracted eating dinner, apparently trying to get his eyeballs to do a barrel roll

“what’re you doing” asks mom

“if i look backwards i can see my brain too”

“not quite, love” says mom, trying not to laugh “it’ll still be too dark in there”

“oh yeah”

so he grabs his toy flashlight and jams it against his nostrils like

“balthazar!”

#yer fault mom

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

posting this separately cause i don’t wanna derail happy posts about balthazar being mentioned but

that quote from the ep a while ago, “balthazar. uriel. […] both dead now. you had a hand in that too”

is just such a perfect example of how the writers think of cass. he deliberately kills someone (all plotholes aside)? his fault. someone saves his life when he’s about to be killed by someone who had already murdered seven of their siblings?

also his fault. “you had a hand in that too” two completely different things conflated as though they are exactly the same

cass is written as though absolutely everything bad that happens in his vicinity is something he needs to feel guilty about. if anyone dies near him he “had a hand in that” and he should’ve done better

but he’s never gonna be allowed to bc the sense i get from the spn writers these days is that cass IS guilt. he exists to be crushed under the weight of his guilt and as long as he keeps standing they have to keep piling it on, even if it makes no sense at all

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

now i’m off on a mental tangent and wondering how cass explained balthazar & rachel’s deaths to the rest of the army back in s6

rachel’s is a little easier cause cass came back genuinely wounded but balthazar? there was no one else in the room but there were angels everywhere around who felt the blast like

like i doubt they’d either believe or cass would try to tell them that balthazar tried to kill him

did he tell them balthazar was a traitor? did they accept that or could they maybe make some guesses as to why?

or did he say nothing because they asked no questions, which would be sketchy as hell. i mean i know it’s what angels are trained to do but like. unquestioningly following orders being Bad was kind of a major thing the rebels were about

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

so i’ve narrowed down the 20-something CGs i was gonna redraw for the fic to 4 that are the absolute most essential, bc i’m falling into a rut again and i have 0 fucking energy and if i don’t prioritize i’m gonna lose my patience with the whole damn thing and it’ll sit around another 1 ½ years

once i’ve got those 4 done we’ll see, but i’m starting to think i’ll probably publish it at that point. then i can take my time getting my drawing skills back up and eventually, e v e n t u a l l y, i can do a fully illustrated version, like not just my choice CGs but ALL the story CGs

but i’m getting no where right now just going for mediocre and it’s getting really discouraging