everymeloveseveryyou | (no subject) (Reply)

one fine summer’s day, a day like any other, in a town like any other

cass digs a camcorder out of storage and starts following balthazar around the house with it

“this fine, yet enigmatic, creature holds many secrets that may never be known,” cass begins, in his very best rp accent, “as it rises each day at a truly ungodly hour.”

“i prefer ‘respectable hour’,” balthazar corrects him

“every day, without fail, this strange creature seems to disappear for parts unknown,” cass intones as balthazar comes in from his jog, “presumably to display its superior musculature and show up its nestmates.”

“my, grandmother, what a large axe you have to grind,” balthazar raises his eyebrows, taking a swig from his water bottle

later, cass carefully enters the kitchen while balthazar is cooking, hovering in the doorway.

“now, we must approach with extreme caution,” he stage-whispers, “as this can be a volatile time for the creature.”

“you put my fresh béarnaise sauce in the freezer!” balthazar exclaims, shaking his spatula at the camera. “listen, who are you selling this to? i refuse to be shown on fox or mtv.”

“it’s for hannah.”

“oh?”

“under contract to bbc four.”

“hmm… acceptable.”

“she wants to get to know you, too, before we start dating, so i promised to make her a documentary.”

“well,” balthazar scoffs, “i must say, you make a pisspoor salesman.”

“i prefer ‘honest salesman’,” cass insists.

“here, give me that.” balthazar takes the camera and trains it on cass’ face.

“and what, o gallant explorer,” he asks, “will you do with this fine specimen once you’ve captured him?”

cass smirks. “i’m gonna wrassle it.”