Every Me Loves Every You

posting this separately cause i don’t wanna derail happy posts about balthazar being mentioned but

that quote from the ep a while ago, “balthazar. uriel. […] both dead now. you had a hand in that too”

is just such a perfect example of how the writers think of cass. he deliberately kills someone (all plotholes aside)? his fault. someone saves his life when he’s about to be killed by someone who had already murdered seven of their siblings?

also his fault. “you had a hand in that too” two completely different things conflated as though they are exactly the same

cass is written as though absolutely everything bad that happens in his vicinity is something he needs to feel guilty about. if anyone dies near him he “had a hand in that” and he should’ve done better

but he’s never gonna be allowed to bc the sense i get from the spn writers these days is that cass IS guilt. he exists to be crushed under the weight of his guilt and as long as he keeps standing they have to keep piling it on, even if it makes no sense at all

a ghost in the shell au about cass & balthazar escaping the american empire together

they’re childhood friends, they met in the hospital where cass got his first full prosthetic body, then lost contact a decade later when cass was forcibly recruited into public security by michael’s side of the family, bc no one makes a better cyber soldier than a full cyborg

and cass tries to not even think about balthazar until he’s become the best hacker on record next to michael, until he can meet with balthazar even in public with absolutely no trace of it recorded on any camera or in any cyberbrain

and he teaches him everything. balthazar has only minimal cyberbrain enhancements, and no protheses, and with cass’ instructions he just starts taking apart all traces of their existence, piece by piece

and michael catches on eventually, except he shot himself in the foot years ago, first by making cass disappear from the public record himself when he was “recruited,” second by outfitting him with a new mass-market shell. easy to blend in on the outside, and custom engineering on the inside to make him unique

but mass-market is mass-market, and if you’re good, if you’re really good, if you’re the second best cyber hacker in the country, you can reverse engineer the customization until you are completely indistinguishable from the other 750,000 of you in circulation

finally michael confronts cass in person, cass who now only barely exists as a mundane private citizen, and threatens balthazar instead. and cass just looks at him and frowns

“who?”

because balthazar hasn’t just disappeared from the public record, he’s disappeared from cass’ too. as michael dives into cass’ brain for evidence, he finds all of his memories of balthazar have been overwritten. there was no other boy in the hospital, no classmate, no friend, no one

balthazar only exists as a name in michael’s head. cass could never hack michael, but he doesn’t need to. michael never spared a second thought for cass’ life. he has not a single memory of balthazar to make his case. he can’t even describe him

and cass walks away

encrypted fragments in his brain, none of them even a full sentence on their own, start popping up, telling him to turn, to keep going, and he just keeps walking, walking across the city, which does not record him passing, all the way to the airstrip

by the time he boards his plane, there was never a “castiel” to begin with

there’s a blond stranger in the seat next to him. once they’re in the air, the stranger plugs himself into a film, smiling, enjoying himself

cass is still nervous. michael’s word alone carries weight. as long as he knows cass exists, there’s always a risk

once they’ve crossed the border, the stranger turns to him and asks if he’s all right. cass smiles and deflects

“you look like you’re enjoying yourself”

the stranger offers cass a wire to share the film. cass accepts and plugs himself in

and suddenly

i mean i know raphael’s never coming back bc the showrunners are just as racist & sexist as the fans but

i like to think that if he DID he might actually approach cass with some understanding?

imagine raphael laying low for a bit instead of making an automatic power move, esp when he realizes cass is still alive

but then actually catching up on what cass has been doing, and trying to do, and what he’s been through and WHY

like i’m sure raphael could appreciate why cass opposed him after s5, even if he would not tolerate it, but even if he didn’t then i’m sure he could and if for once an archangel might be willing to shut up and listen for a bit they could do so much together, raphael has the experience that cass doesn’t, he’s the rock

just imagine the old power and the new will, and what they could do for each other and their family

at the very least, just imagine raphael being the one to finally offer cass sanctuary

now on ao3