(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

All right, this is gonna be self-evident for many of us, but I keep seeing people positively comparing Calthazar and Destiel in the vein of “Balthazar would do anything for Cass, just like Cass would do anything for Dean”

and, among other obvious reasons, it was bothering me, because yes, as a character Balthazar basically exists for Cass’ sake. Yes, on the surface, that seems quite unhealthy, but I can finally articulate why they are not remotely the same dynamic.

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Balthazar’s motivation for his selfless (even self-sacrificing) s6 behaviour is clearly established in his very first appearance: he and Cass are old, old, old friends, comrades, and brothers. They already have a mutually respectful, loving relationship.

Consider this: your best friend since childhood goes through a crisis, maybe a long-term one. They’re trying to leave an abusive relationship, for example.

They’re completely drained, emotionally and physically, from the fight; all of the energy in the relationship is coming from you, and yeah, it’s taking a toll. Maybe you need some help for yourself (and you should get it), maybe you even start showing lateral signs of trauma. Other people, who maybe don’t know your friend, start wondering why you keep at it.

The reason you persevere is because your motivation is already there. This is your best friend and they need you right now more than ever before. You want to help however you can; that’s a given to you.

Cass in s6 was going through a crisis of literal Apocalyptic proportions. It isn’t unhealthy for his best friend of probably hundreds of millions of years or more to step in and step in hard, even if there is substantial risk to himself.

When Balthazar says, “We’re brothers, of course I want to help you,” he’s making a choice, nothing is forced. Cass doesn’t threaten to withhold help himself in future, or cut Balthazar off.

Balthazar gives freely because they have a deep, personal history of love and trust, and Cass is asking for his help.

And even when Balthazar has pledged it, he and Cass, importantly, remain their own people. In fact, immediately following the above quote, when Cass names the help he wants from Balthazar, Balthazar says “no.” He can say no, without fear or consequence.

Balthazar can even, as we see later, confront Cass about his plans and challenge him about the risks involved, all of it in a respectful and concerned manner, because he’s not trying to control Cass’ actions, but to understand them.

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By contrast, Dean is not calling on a long shared history, built on a strong foundation of trust and respect, when he wants something from Cass.

Dean and Cass have no history apart from Cass doing things for Dean. It is not a reciprocal, mutually beneficial relationship. Cass gives constantly, at great cost to himself (up to and including his life!), but Dean does not. He only demands more.

When Cass tries to refuse Dean’s orders (and they are orders, not requests), Dean berates, insults, threatens, demeans, shuns, even gets physically violent towards Cass. Cass does none of those things when Dean refuses to help him.

Cass can’t count on Dean to back him up, nor has he been in any way uplifted or fulfilled by their so-called “friendship.” He’s lost all self esteem, he’s deeply depressed, traumatized, and he feels completely unloved and expendable.

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Think back to my example story. Your friend giving selflessly for their abuser because they feel indebted, because they’re under threat, because they believe they deserve it, all because their abuser has gradually squeezed them dry, even if both of them call it “love”

and you giving selflessly to support your friend because you genuinely love them, respect them, have hope for and want to help them, all of your own free will

are not remotely the same thing. The effects on you and your friend may, in some ways, resemble each other, but one of these relationships is healthy and one is very dangerous.

And isn’t it funny that, of the three of you, there’s one who gets to walk away unscathed?