(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

Cass arrives for dinner in the same oversized-hoodie-and-jeans combo he’d been wearing for coffee, and seems embarrassed for it when Balthazar answers the door in a crisp button-up (not all the way up).

“Oops,” he murmurs, very deliberately, rallying himself at least enough to joke.

“Wrong address?” Balthazar teases, ushering Cass inside.

Castiel enters slowly, craning his neck to look all around with the minimum of steps taken, as though he might reconsider staying at all.

“Sorry I’m underdressed,” he mumbles distractedly, peering into the living room.

“Now, now,” Balthazar coos. “Given I’m the one who can run and change, why don’t we agree I’m overdressed?”

Cass glances back over his shoulder, uncertain, then gives in to a soft laugh. “Sure.”

Encouraged, Balthazar offers him a slight bow. “May I take your coat, my dear?”

A slier glance, and Cass hums lowly, as though deep in thought.

“Hmm, you know, I’m not even sure I can afford to eat in a place like this,” he sighs, feigning bashfulness as he stares at his hands.

“Oh, not to worry, darling. It’s on the house,” Balthazar assures him. “The chef is quite taken with you. He send his compliments,” he adds, with an airy wave of his hand.

“His compliments on…?”

Balthazar offers only a sweetly suggestive smirk. “His compliments.”

A real smile spreads slowly over Cass’ face, until he looks away again, as though too embarrassed to laugh in front of Balthazar.

“What?” Balthazar calls, chuckling. “Have I changed too much?”

Cass scoffs, then does laugh.

“Or not at all, perhaps?”

Castiel turns and fixes Balthazar with a truly fond smile. “It’s not changed, so much as…” He thumbs his lower lip thoughtfully. “You’re just…more.”

“More…?” Balthazar raises an eyebrow expectantly, but Castiel gives only a very familiar, cheeky smirk.

“More,” he repeats softly.

“Oh, my.”

---

i’m really happy with this part in theory

i just don’t know if i’m getting the tone across right? it’s so cute but i’m a movie maker at heart, so i can see & hear it but i’m always too verbose when it comes to putting words to paper.

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

uggggggggh why couldn’t i have lost my patience with spn after hannah left?

like i never want to see 10x22 and i give no fucks abt s11 but!!!

if you didn't know i stopped watching 1/2way through s8 except for 8x21 bc balthazar mention i also regret not finishing naomi's run on the show but here we are

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

i reeeeeeeally need a calthazar edit around the line “your heartbeat of solid gold” (from the song “under control”)

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

~end of May, end of May~

goodbye, only month of my calthazar calendar with the winchesters on it~

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

you know, i really, really just want cass to at least be able to get to the place where sam is mentally

sam has a much more clear-headed view of dean’s behaviour than cass does at this point. probably because he’s had voluntary breaks from dean that involved real emotional downtime and positive relationships that could support him during the potential crash that comes when you start processing trauma

cass has had breaks from dean, sure, but always under high pressure: the civil war, purgatory, being on the run with the tablet. you literally cannot process trauma while you’re still in the pressure cooker. so many people, including me, CRASH once you’ve reached a safer place and that LOOKS really bad, but it’s actually a first sign of healing.

cass never gets a break, and it shows. because everyone else he has is ripped from him one way or the other, he still really needs to believe in dean’s fundamental goodness. he literally can’t get even enough space to back up and take a look at the real dean, and that’s why we get lines like, “and dean, trying so hard to be loyal” despite dean’s actual behaviour throughout s6

but sam nowadays can see through dean’s shit a lot of the time. he often lets it go or ignores it, but he knows it’s there.

and i just want so badly for cass to be able to see it, too. he doesn’t even have to say it out loud or anything, just be able to admit to himself that “yeah, dean meant to hurt or manipulate me when he said that, and he chose to do it, and it was wrong, and i don’t deserve it.”

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

do not

do not

do not

• DO


• NOT


• EVER

go on a monty python binge when you’re trying to write anything remotely serious

i leave you with this advice and hereby resign any attempts at writing in perpetuity. goodbye.

…

on the other hand

do imagine cass shuffling blearily into the kitchen first thing in the morning and asking balthazar what he’s got for breakfast

and balthazar just starts like, “well, there’s egg and bacon, egg sausage and bacon, egg and spam, egg bacon and spam-”

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

i do so love balthazar’s passive-aggressive total dismissiveness when dealing with people he doesn’t like (”you two were such an adequate stick, thank you”)

like just imagine dean confronting cass postseparation, and balthazar very politely tapping him on the shoulder

“who the hell are you?” cause dean’s never seen this guy before in his life

“good afternoon, i’m room service,” says balthazar, with a very courteous bow. “i’m here to take out the trash”

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

one fine summer’s day, a day like any other, in a town like any other

cass digs a camcorder out of storage and starts following balthazar around the house with it

“this fine, yet enigmatic, creature holds many secrets that may never be known,” cass begins, in his very best rp accent, “as it rises each day at a truly ungodly hour.”

“i prefer ‘respectable hour’,” balthazar corrects him

---

“every day, without fail, this strange creature seems to disappear for parts unknown,” cass intones as balthazar comes in from his jog, “presumably to display its superior musculature and show up its nestmates.”

“my, grandmother, what a large axe you have to grind,” balthazar raises his eyebrows, taking a swig from his water bottle

---

later, cass carefully enters the kitchen while balthazar is cooking, hovering in the doorway.

“now, we must approach with extreme caution,” he stage-whispers, “as this can be a volatile time for the creature.”

“you put my fresh béarnaise sauce in the freezer!” balthazar exclaims, shaking his spatula at the camera. “listen, who are you selling this to? i refuse to be shown on fox or mtv.”

“it’s for hannah.”

“oh?”

“under contract to bbc four.”

“hmm… acceptable.”

“she wants to get to know you, too, before we start dating, so i promised to make her a documentary.”

“well,” balthazar scoffs, “i must say, you make a pisspoor salesman.”

“i prefer ‘honest salesman’,” cass insists.

“here, give me that.” balthazar takes the camera and trains it on cass’ face.

“and what, o gallant explorer,” he asks, “will you do with this fine specimen once you’ve captured him?”

cass smirks. “i’m gonna wrassle it.”

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

cass telling hannah more stories like

“but he only really gets drunk on new year’s eve, so i have to make the most of it”

flashback to balthazar, crying, belting out “my heart will go on” while cass accompanies him on recorder

“yooou’re heeeeeere, there’s nooooOOOTHING I FEEEAR”

*toooooot*

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

hi hello please imagine cass & balthazar & hannah all together on the couch, doing their own things, except their legs are all folded over each other in an outstretched heap propped up on the coffee table

and hannah’s gaming and eventually cass puts down his book so they can pokémon battle, and they’re laughing and booping each other with their toes

and balthazar’s on his phone running 7 apps at once and taking pics of them until the whole thing crashes, and everyone gets jostled and knee-punched when he shakes & swears at it

& it’s the 4th time it’s happened in an hour, so cass & hannah just lose it, take his phone, and sit on him instead

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

Balthazar & Hannah comparing pics of Cass falling asleep on them like, “who wore it better?”

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

one day, after balthazar has been making dinner for cass & hannah for a while, they start joking about having a pizza party and balthazar’s like, “sounds like fun! i’ll get started~”

and they’re like “no, no, a pizza party is a time for greasy takeout, your food is just too good”

so balthazar humphs and pouts a little but then he’s like, “no wait, life is all about trying new things. i’m going to do this, i’m going to make you the BEST terrible, greasy pizza you’ve ever had!”

first, he interviews them both about what exactly makes the best terrible, greasy pizza

hannah’s like, “when it all runs down your chin with every bite, and also stuffed crusts”

cass’ like, “i remember this pizza place when i was little where the sauce was always gray instead of red, and i never figured it out but it was delicious”

balthazar just nods and takes it all down carefully in his fancy notebook

then they’re off to the supermarket to buy ingredients, touring the freezer section so balthazar can make a “character study” of the frozen pizzas and ask deep, searching questions like, “what would you say is the essence of delissio?”

back home in the kitchen, cass & hannah cheer him on as balthazar tries desperately to subdue his instincts. “MORE PLEBEIAN”, they yell every time he reaches for too-fancy cheese

(they’re filming all of this btw)

finally, when it’s in the oven, balthazar looks so pleased like, “this is going to be excellent. here, go set the table,” and cass & hannah are like, “what table?”

cause it’s not a pizza party unless you’re sprawled out in the living room with a cheesy movie for entertainment

(balthazar has so many cheesy movies actually he seems to have every movie he only keeps his favourites upstairs tho the first time cass saw his whole collection he was like 'i didn't realize you were the national film archives' now he has a plaque on the door)

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

okay but cass saying “no”

cass learning to say “no”

without having to equivocate, or bargain, or give his life story to explain why

without flinching, or having to look down, or make himself small

cass gaining confidence and admitting it feels good to say “no,” then blushing like, “i don’t mean i’m doing it intentionally”

but balthazar just laughs and like

gets him a tshirt

cass’ like, “what am i supposed to do with this?”

but every so often balthazar wanders back into the bedroom in the morning, to see cass, all bundled up in blankets, wearing the NO shirt, looking a little meh for wear

and balthazar’s like, “ah, i see. the day has been surrendered to netflix and digging potato chip crumbs out of every crevice. very well, i accept” and he dives right in

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

Hope

Now almost 30, Balthazar and Castiel meet for the first time since their teens, when Castiel’s parents forcibly separated them by sending Castiel to a school far away.

The road to their reunion began eight months earlier, when Castiel, bleeding and shaken, picked himself off the floor and walked out of his home of seven long years.

The finished version.

(no subject)

[theamazingdalet.livejournal.com]

Cass gets a frantic text from Balthazar to pick up some ingredients, but when he gets home, Balthazar isn’t even in the kitchen; he’s panicking on the study floor, surrounded by scattered pages of recipes.

Turns out he was asked, and agreed, to cook for a small event for someone really important at work or something, but he doesn’t even know what, and without knowing what, he doesn’t know how long it will take, when he should start, what he should start with, what order, what what what

Cass feels terrible, but he doesn’t know how he can help. He doubts there’s anything he can do, in this situation, but he never feels like he knows what to say either.

He wanders into the study at one point and just says, “You make a sandwich that tastes like a vacation,”

and Balthazar stares at him for a moment, harried but touched. “…thank you, Cassie,”

except Cass wasn’t finished; the rest of his reassurances just got lost halfway to his mouth, so he frowns and wanders back out.

By mid-evening, the panic party has at least moved to the kitchen, Balthazar having apparently decided on a recipe. He doesn’t seem any happier for it, though.

Cass follows him in, this time with his shoulders squared because he knows what he’s going to say.

“Let me do it,” he insists.

Balthazar chuckles tiredly. “‘A pain shared is pain halved,’ was it?” Then he sighs into his hands, leaning on the counter. “Trust me, you want no part in this misery.”

“Too late,” Cass points out. “But, look, you can’t do it right now. This isn’t how you cook.”

“I haven’t even gotten to the cooking yet,” Balthazar groans.

“Because you can’t, not like…this,” he gestures sharply. Balthazar asks what he means, so Cass goes on.

“When was the last time you even cooked from a recipe? Not since I’ve known you. You start from memory, and then the rest is equal parts imagination, innovation, your mood that day, and sarcasm.”

“I see what you’re getting at; I’m too focused. You’re right, Cass, it’s not like me,” Balthazar nods, then sighs deeply. “But I can’t help it. If I get this wrong-”

“I know,” says Cass, “that’s why I’m suggesting you try to focus differently, like when you’re teaching me. When I’m cooking, all of a sudden you have two dozen bees up your ass about every last detail-”

“I have bees where?”

“-but, like…” Cass smiles fondly, “in a good way. It’s fun. I like it.”

As exhausted as he is, Balthazar can’t help laughing. Cass circles the counter and touches his arm.

“You are not going to screw this up,” says Cass, very earnestly. “I’ll screw it up, and then you just have to fix it, like you always do.”

Balthazar finally smiles. “Thanks, Cassie.”